Where I'm at in Life

Wow, you guys. It's been almost an entire year since I've posted.

Writing is something that helps me feel content. It helps me get my thoughts straight during stressful, trying times. It also helps me to take it all in. To realize everything we have going for us in this life. And to write it down means to experience it again. And to read it brings it all back yet again. If I don't document something, my awful memory loses details. Details are important. And I want these details down in writing so that we can look back on our days whenever we'd like. So our kids can look back on things and get a brighter picture of how life was. This is why I'm blogging again.

I've written on and off throughout this last year. I just haven't made it public. And I really didn't do enough of it.

My New Years Resolution was to read more and write more. Just do it MORE. It helps me relax, slow down and de-stress. So yes, I just needed to do it MORE. Which I've been doing, so go me!

Switching gears..

At the end of February I decided to drop my side gig with Dove Chocolate Discoveries and focus solely on my role of mama and wife.

Let's be honest here, I really hadn't done much of anything with it since June of 2016. When cabin season came around I really let up on my business to spend time up north and with my family. It was a great summer but I always had this nagging guilt inside of me. I should have been working my biz. But I really just wanted to be present and enjoy every day with my family. I told myself that once the cabin closed I would hit it hard again with DCD.. Ha. Yeah, right!

Since I had built up a little customer base I was still getting orders here and there and that's really what kept me from calling it quits a while ago.

At the end of February DCD became The Cocoa Exchange. A new company. I opted to not buy into it and felt this was a good time to part ways.

As of March 1st my title solely became SAHM and Wife. So what do I do with my time?!

I'm involved with the ECFE and volunteer on their Parent Advisory Council. I spend my days during the week keeping up on chores so that our nights and weekends can be dedicated to fun stuff and family. I get to the gym a few times a week to workout and I've actually been cooking! Home cooked dinners! Practically every night! If you know me, you'll realize how huge this is. I've ALWAYS hated cooking. And even just a few months ago I would still end up cursing and crying or both after trying to cook dinner for my family. But not anymore! The key thing is: PLANNING AHEAD!

I feel like we really have a handle on life right now. We're healthy, we're happy and we're having fun. And that's all I could ever want.

#incrediblygrateful

Sisters

Saturday when I was dropping my boys off at my mom's house for a sleepover my sister handed me this piece of paper. She didn't say anything. She just handed it to me.

I read the first line, put the paper down and instantly the tears started. Once the initial surprise calmed down a bit I began to read the rest.

"My hero is my sister, Emma. She is the strongest most caring woman I know. She makes good out of everything and makes everyone smile. Emma has always been my role model, even when I was little. She is special to me because she is my sister and I love her. I don't love her because she is my sister. I love her because she is a good person. Even though I don't see her as often as I'd like to, she is my hero."

I cried. A lot. And hugged her. A lot. Tears started welling in her eyes. I grabbed her face in my hands and I said, "I know I could be a better sister to you."

This was really eye opening to me. My little sister (13 years younger than me) feels this way about me and yet I feel like I don't deserve it. I haven't been there for her like I feel I should be.

When she was born and I found out she was a girl, I was beyond excited! I now had a sister! She was just the sweetest little thing (and still is). So fun, so spunky and such an awesome individual. When I was pregnant with Levi I have the best memories of spending time with her. She loved playing dress up and dancing and letting me do her hair.

Then once Levi was born everything changed. I was a single mom living at home trying to work and go to school. Then I moved out when Levi was 5 months old and I didn't see my sister (and brothers) nearly as often as I should have.

I love my sister tremendously. She is an amazing young woman.. intelligent, kind hearted, fun loving, adventurous.. I am so blessed to be able to call her my sister.

I miss her though. I want to know everything there is to know about her. I want to be my sisters best friend. Because to me, that's what sisters should be. Best friends.

Now's the time to make a change.

Chipped Beef Recipe

I woke up yesterday morning craving Chipped Beef BIG TIME! It was a meal we had often in my childhood. I've had it since, but not my moms. You know how there are some foods out there that when other people make it, it just isn't the same as when your mom made it?! I mean, not saying that it's bad.. it's just not the same!

So, we got the recipe from my mom when picking up our kids from their every other week sleepover with her and then Andy made it for dinner.

I posted this picture on Facebook last night and I was a little surprised by all of the comments! People who also ate this as a kid and loved it (some who didn't love it), others who had known of it but by a different name (Shit on a Shingle?? Ha.) and others that had never heard of it before and asked me for the recipe!

Well, here ya go!

*This is the recipe TRIPLED.. we're a family of 4 and barely had any leftovers from it.

6T melted butter
6T flour
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
3 cups milk
Jar of dried beef (we were able to find it at Target by the cans of tuna)

Heat first 5 ingredients on the stove and occasionally stir until it thickens (15 minutes or so?). Meanwhile, boil water and rinse off the beef so it isn't so salty. Dice the beef and mix it into the sauce once the sauce has thickened.

Serve over toast and ENJOY!!

Mamas Going on Vacation!

Part of me can't believe this is really happening but the tickets have been purchased and it's official!

I'M GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO! 

And not only that but I am going with one of my favorite people.. My paternal Grandma! 

I've been to San Francisco before but back when I was eight/nine so I'm really looking forward to taking it all in as an adult. We have some family and close friends of my Grandma that live there so we'll have great company to stay with and hang out with while we're there. 

A whole week in San Fran in May without my kids or husband. I'm not nervous at all about leaving them (my husband is a rockstar dad) but I know I will miss them a ton! 

Let the countdown begin! 

Go on my children, eat those stale french fries!

When I came across this on Facebook a couple weeks back it brought up all of the old feelings of trying to do things "right" with my kids when they were younger. I realize now that it really hasn't mattered all that much on THEM how I did things when they younger but more so how my choices on them have affected ME. Let me take you on a little journey through the past.

Most of you know that I had Levi as a teenager. I had all of the best intentions but to be honest, I now think of myself as a selfish idiot when it came to being pregnant and having an infant.

[For the record, I DO NOT care what other people do during their pregnancies, labor, delivery and with their children.. this is all about ME and how I feel about MY choices.]

I trusted everything my Dr's and nurses told me and suggested for me during my pregnancy, labor and delivery with Levi. I didn't once think about all of my options or do much research on ANYTHING. In the end, I had a labor and a delivery that, to be completely honest, pisses me off whenever I think too much about it. Now, don't get me wrong, the day Levi was born is [tied for 1st for] the most amazing day of my life! There's no way to describe the instant love you have when meeting your child! Though everything about the labor and delivery was just wrong, wrong, wrong.. not letting me progress long enough before recommending Pitocin (nurses suggested it, so why not!?), then getting an epidural because Pitocin makes your contractions so insanely intense, followed by more Pitocin because epidurals stall labor, followed by suggesting a vacuum to assist Levi in coming out because he was "sunny side up" instead of oh, I don't know.. having me change positions? But wait.. I couldn't do that because I got an epidural making me immobile and in no control what-so-ever. Long story short.. I regret getting that Pitocin. And let's not forget me allowing them to do an episiotomy.. my oh my.

The biggest mom guilt I have of all is choosing to stop breastfeeding Levi at 3 months old because I just wanted to be a smoker again. Seriously, Emma?! What a freaking selfish idiot. The thought of this really actually makes me cry.

So, I KNEW that the next time I had a child I would "DO IT RIGHT". I quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant with Rex and never looked back. I researched everything I possibly could, watched documentaries around pregnancy and birth, read a countless number of books and became as educated as possible. I found an amazing birth center with a group of midwives, hired a doula and was determined to have an unmedicated, natural water birth with Rex. Long story short, everything went as planned and I could not be happier about my birth experience with him. Rex was exclusively breastfed for 6 months only taking a bottle a few times a week while I was at work. When he started on solids after 6 months old I made his baby food with only organic food. I even went as [freakishly] far as to boil. tap. water. and cool it before letting him drink it. HA! I seriously had gone a little too far with this "making-up-for-the-past-and-doing-it-right-this-time" stuff by boiling tap water (I was seriously off my rocker).. I let Rex self-wean from breastfeeding and he was done with it at 17 months old. Was I ready for him to be done!? Hell no I wasn't! I felt like it was after the breastfeeding ended that I started to get symptoms of postpartum depression. Then slowly but surely the hormonal fog of pregnancy and breastfeeding lifted and so did my grip on "doing things right".

Now, my kids hardly eat any organic food (that s*** is expensive!) and I can barely keep their [unhealthy] snacking under control.

Parenting has been a constant journey of learning, growth, guilt, pressure and doubt. I've learned that I'm happiest when I don't put so much pressure on myself for "doing things right" and just let my kids be kids without putting so many limits on things.

In the end of it all, I have two amazing and healthy children that have turned out just fine no matter how they were brought into this world and the choices I've made for them. So go on my children, eat those stale french fries! I really do appreciate the few minutes you've saved me from cleaning them up myself.

A Day in the Life

I've gotten the question a couple times since becoming a SAHM again about what it is that I do all day. Just like anyone else, some days are way more productive than others! Here's a little idea of a "normal" weekday:

8:00am - My dreaded alarm goes off (if Rex hasn't woken me up yet) and I wake Levi up for school.

8:10am - Kids eat breakfast (Levi: oatmeal and Rex: cereal) and I drink coffee while getting Levi's backpack ready.

8:15am - Andy rolls out of bed.

8:20am - I tell Levi a thousand times to, "Get dressed, brush your hair and brush your teeth"

8:30am - Levi starts getting his stuff on for the bus stop.

8:35am - Andy brings Levi to the bus stop.

8:45am - Andy gets ready for work. I do 30 minutes of [heavily interrupted] Yoga.

9:15am - Andy leaves for work and Rex is already begging for a snack.

9:30am - I might decide it's time to brush my teeth [just being honest].

9:35am - Sit down at my computer to "work" [blog, line up Dove tasting parties, update Facebook business pages, check email, etc. etc.].

10:45am - Start household chores [but it usually turns into me doing the same 5 puzzles with Rex for over an hour].

12:00pm - Eat lunch with Rex.

12:30pm - Attempt some quiet time [plop Rex in front of a movie so I can maybe catch up on a show or read] and finish up chores.

3:00pm - Shower.

3:30pm - Try to make sure the house doesn't look like a disaster for when Andy gets home.

4:00pm - Andy is usually home from work by now.

4:15pm - Levi gets home from school.

4:30pm - The boys start tearing up the house and acting wild. I might raise my voice once or twice..  ["We sit on the couch!" "Would you please not scatter Nerf gun bullets all over the living room?!" "Rex, stop touching your brothers butt!"]

5:00pm - Andy makes dinner [I am an awful cook.. unless it's hotdish. I can do hotdish.]

5:30pm - Andy, Levi and I eat dinner while Rex takes one look at it and refuses to eat.

5:45pm - Homework time with Levi.

6:15pm - If we don't have to go anywhere we'd usually play a game together or watch a show [depending on our stress/energy level].

7:45pm - The boys get ready for bed [pj's, teeth, potty].

8:00pm - Levi goes to bed perfect while Rex gets up at least 5 times.

8:15pm - Beer time. Andy goes downstairs to watch TV or play video games while I watch TV upstairs. Gotta try to get in some "me time".

10:00pm - We watch the news together or catch up on a show we both like to watch.

11:00pm - I've either already fallen asleep on the couch or I stumble up to bed.


Well, there ya have it! A day in the life..

The Total Money Makeover

This book had been collecting dust in our house ever since it was loaned to us years ago..

I finally gave it a read recently and I wish I had done so the day I got it!

Here's what I've walked away from it with:

-If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.
-A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.
-Leasing a car is the biggest waste of money and you might as well just throw a $100 bill out of the window every week instead.
-Save $1,000 fast.
-Implement a budget at the beginning of every month and give every dollar you make a place to go (paying a bill, saving, etc). Do not spend $1 out of place.
-Pay off your debts starting with the smallest and ending with the largest.

My list could go on and on after reading this book but these were my biggest "AHA!" moments.

Since reading The Total Money Makeover Andy and I have sat down and figured out our first months budget, we'll be cutting the cord with cable this week, I've lowered my cell phone bill by $40/month and I've sold useless things in our house making hundreds of dollars to put towards our saving $1,000 fast!

I've never been more excited about saving money before and having a goal and budget in place for ourselves. I highly recommend giving this book a read and giving yourself a Total Money Makeover!