The Story of Levi - Part Two

It was time to pick up Aaron from work and tell him the news. I had no idea how he was going to react. I told him I was pregnant in the parking lot right after he had gotten in my car. He said things like “What are we going to do?” and rattled off all of the different reasons why we weren’t qualified to bring a child into this world. I told him that there’s no decision to make. I’m having the baby with or without him. He wasn’t ready to tell his parents. We actually weren’t going to tell anyone for a while but we decided to confide in one of Aaron’s friends. It became more real now that it wasn’t just between us (and my mom).

We didn’t talk about it much for the first few days. I was almost scared to bring it up. I didn’t want it to turn into a fight. During this time Aaron got his license and a new car to drive around in. I was cheering in the state basketball tournament and had to tell my coach that I was pregnant. Especially since I was the girl that was thrown up in the air. I told everyone on the squad that I just wasn’t feeling well and I really wasn’t. Morning sickness was starting to kick in. I couldn’t go anywhere without saltine crackers.

I was really nervous about telling my Dad. I didn’t see him all that often since I was so busy with sports and school so I decided to give him a call. My Dad was just as supportive as my mom but with a lot more of “Just really think about your decision. You have time to think about it.” which I appreciated but I just kept telling him “I know, Dad. I’ve made up my mind.”

I felt so strongly about needing to tell Aaron’s parents. I put a lot of pressure on him about it. I felt that the longer we waited the worse it would be. We had known for a couple weeks now. I decided that I couldn’t take it any longer. So, I contacted his mom and told her that there was something I needed to talk to her about and asked if she could come over. I then contacted Aaron and asked him to come over at the same time.. without telling him that his mom was coming. I told my Mom what was going on and asked if she would sit in on it for support. While I was waiting for them I was a nervous wreck. I see her car pull up and Aaron is inside. Why did I think she wouldn’t ask him why I wanted to talk to her? Of course she was going to. When I answered the door I could see it on both of their faces. She already knew what was going on and Aaron was pissed at what I had done. The whole time we talked emotions were running high. I cried through practically the entire thing and when they left I felt miserable. I should have given Aaron time to tell her on his own terms. I was so selfish. I wanted her to know so I would feel better not keeping anything from them. This is something I have looked back on a lot and regretted.

I tried getting a hold of Aaron after this to talk things out. No answer. He didn’t respond to my texts. He didn’t call me back. He didn’t respond to my Facebook messages. Or acknowledge notes I left on his windshield while he was at work. I knew that I had done something wrong and the silence from him told me that it was over. I was devastated. We never had an actual break up and all I wanted was closure.

I just had to keep moving forward.

20 weeks

31 weeks

The Story of Levi - Part One

Aaron and I in February 2008

It was my sophomore year in high school when Aaron and I started dating. He was a freshman. It was an on again off again relationship with a couple boyfriends to fill the space in between. We had some bad times (okay, maybe too many bad times to count) but no matter how bad it got we always seemed to find our way back together. At least until spring 2008.

I’ll never forget this time in my life. It was senior year right before spring break. I didn’t have any big plans. Aaron and I were “on” and I just figured we’d do the usual and bum around with his friends while I do all the driving and we chain smoked. But then I realized that my period was late. It was NEVER late. I was sorta kinda on the pill. We sometimes used protection. Let’s be honest here.. we were IDIOTS. Idiots that felt they were invincible. So yes, I instantly knew there was a chance I could be pregnant.

I remember approaching my mom in the kitchen and giving her a casual heads up. It went something like this, “My periods a day late”. Definitely not something a mom wants to hear her daughter say at this age. I decided that if I didn’t get it by the next day I would take a test. So then it happened. The first day of spring break my senior year of high school. I had pregnancy tests waiting. I woke up and went outside to smoke what I knew was going to be my last cigarette. I never wanted that cigarette to end. My mom was at work. My step dad was home along with my 3 young siblings. I snuck myself into the bathroom with the box of tests hidden in my shirt. I remember it taking forever to get up the courage to take the test. I was shaking, sweating and my heart felt like it was beating in my throat. I knew it was going to be positive but I wasn’t pregnant until it was clear to me on the stick. And sure enough, the time wasn’t even up yet and there it was. Positive. I instantly started sobbing and fell to the rug on the bathroom floor. After the shock set in a little I go into my room and dial my moms number. Once she picked up and all she could hear was crying she instantly knew. I didn’t say a single word. Just cried. All she said was, “I’m on my way home”.

There’s no way to describe the way I felt, how it felt when it hit me that there is a baby growing inside of my body. I’m 18. Still in high school. Cheering for the boys Varsity basketball team. Working as a host in a restaurant. Aaron was 16. With no license. Working at a fast food restaurant.

When my mom got home she just sat with me on my bed and let me cry. The first thing she said was “You know how much I wanted to have more kids but you didn’t have to go and have them for me!” She tried to lighten the mood and her words gave me such a relief. I was worried she would be mad. Which would have added so much more stress to an already stressful situation. I really am thankful for how my mom handled things.

My mom told me that whatever it is I wanted to do she would support me 100%. In my head I didn’t have a decision to make. I had the support of my mom, a loving family and the strength to raise this baby. Adoption was out of the question and abortion just simply wasn’t an option. I was going to have this baby and do my absolute best at raising him.

Aaron was at work while all of this was happening. He didn’t have his license so I was picking him up. News like this is something I knew I had to tell him in person when I got there.

Nothing could prepare me for what happened next and the days to follow.

Blogging on my mind

Spring 2013

Finally! I am finding myself giving a huge sigh of relief as I’ve decided to take the plunge and start a blog. It’s been on my mind for far too long. My main purpose of the blog is to document my life as a mother of two boys, give my opinions on a wide range of topics and to, quite honestly, vent.

Since my youngest was born almost 9 months ago I have only worked very part time so I can be with my two boys as much as possible. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom but funds won’t allow it so this is the next best thing.

Raising two boys and being home with them 5 days a week is so much harder than I ever could have imagined. I have gotten a lot of comfort from other mom’s and realizing that I am not alone in this. I am not the only one who’s kid has a freak out in the middle of Target or hides in the clothing racks at Goodwill prompting me to frantically search the entire store for him.

My hope is that this blog will give other parents, and myself, comfort. You are not alone in this and neither am I.