Thank you, universe.

About a month ago I was standing in the checkout line at our small neighborhood grocery store. It was during the day and in the middle of the week. I only had two items in my hands and I was scrolling through Facebook when I heard a older man say, "We should let her go in front of us. It looks like she's still busy working and we're just retired." I look up and realize it's the man in front of me and he's talking to another older lady with a full cart that's also in front of me but he's referring to ME - the lady "still busy working". I was totally caught off guard and responded with, "Oh, no. I don't work. I'm a stay at home mom. No rush here!" He said, "Are your kids at home enjoying this weather and running around outside?!" I say, "Oh! Um.. no. They're actually at school." And then it really hit me.. I'm no stay at home mom anymore.. Because in my mind that requires kids being home. My title now is pretty much 'housewife'.. [Insert cringe face here]

It's the middle of November 2018 and clearly life has changed a lot since my last post in FEBRUARY.. most of the change has actually happened within the last few months.

My husband was given the go ahead from his new position at work to start working from home [basically] whenever he wants.

In August we started hosting an intern for our kiddos school. A 22 year old guy from Madrid, Spain. He'll be living with us until the middle of January so we're more than halfway through our first hosting experience. More on that in another post!

Our youngest turned 6 and started kindergarten at a spanish immersion. He loves school and is taking to it so much better than his older brother did 5 years ago. The transition with him has been easy peasy!

Our oldest recently hit the double digits - 10! How in the world have I been a mom for an entire decade already?!

And for me? I have been trying to figure my shit out since September..

Believe it or not, I've been staying really busy with both of the kids in school. A lot has been popping up left and right (painting our house, doctors appointments, sickness, replacing major household appliances, volunteering at the kids school) and I have not yet felt like I've been able to press pause on everything and prioritize getting a job.

Reasons why I'm not running off to get a job:

-We're doing good with one income.
-I do 90% of the chores and the shopping while everyone is gone so that when the evenings and weekends hit we can be together to relax and have fun.
-I'm available at the drop of a hat for sicknesses and helping out whenever and wherever needed for my entire family (not just immediate).
-My stress level (and I believe I can say the same for my husband's stress level) is at an all time low.

I've contemplated getting a job within the school district in a part time position like an elementary school kitchen (hours within my kids school hours and days off that they have off) but my gut has continued to tell me 'Not now. Now isn't the time'. With no further explanation but this gut feeling to just not do anything quite yet..

I'm a firm believer in the universe sending you signs/feelings and sometimes you just need to sit back, open your eyes, trust your gut and trust what direction it's all pointing you in.

Which leads me to what I came across on my daily Facebook memories recently..

5 years ago I posted this status: Can I just become a doula already?! I don't mean to rush my life away but I just want it to be 5 years from now so I can do what I feel I was put on earth to do!

& I haven't stopped thinking about it ever since.

Thank you, universe. I'm taking that as a huge freaking sign and exactly what I needed right now.

Stay tuned <3

We've Never Been on a Family Vacation

Our children are 9 and 5 and we have never been on a family vacation. 6 months out of the year we go up to our family's cabin every chance we get and the other 6 months of the year I feel are spent just getting through birthdays, holidays and sports.

Most of the reason why we haven't been on a family vacation is because of money.. the other reason is because it sounds overwhelming as heck to travel with children. Especially two high energy boys.

But, we feel confident that our children are at wonderful ages for traveling and we've finally made it a financial priority for us.

[Drum roll please] WE'VE BOOKED OUR FIRST FAMILY VACATION TO PUERTO RICO!

And you guys, it's going to be a VACATION - 8 full days in 85 degrees and staying right on the beach.

We went to Puerto Rico back in 2015 but only for 3 nights for our honeymoon. We had never been on a trip together and we hadn't been that far from our kids so we made the trip short and sweet. But man did we ever fall in love with PR! We've been itching to go back ever since.

We've had this trip in the forefront of our minds for about 6 months now. Since hurricane Maria hit we've been keeping close tabs on their progress in getting things back up and running. The populated areas like San Juan are good to go - it's the center of the island in the more remote areas that are still without power, water, etc. I would love to find a service project that we can do with the kids while we're there. Even though traveling there in itself is great for their situation it would be even better if we could lend an extra hand in any way possible.

Another exciting part of this trip is that we're taking my mother-in-law with us! She goes south every winter so by the time she gets back and we go on this trip with her it will have been nearly 3 months since we've seen her. It will be really nice to get that quality time with her.

A trip we'll remember forever!

Whole30 Results

We have officially completed our first Whole30!

Are you wondering what that means?

Well, that means we went 30 days without -
-Added sugar (real or artificial)
-Legumes
-Dairy
-Grains
-Alcohol
-Carrageenan, MSG or sulfites
-Baked goods, junk foods or "treats" with approved ingredients (chips, etc)

They say no weighing yourself during your Whole30 as well. They want you to focus on NSV's *Non-Scale Victories*.

Some of my NSV's include:
-Fewer blemishes
-Flatter stomach
-Leaner appearance
-Clothes fitting better (belt went a notch tighter)
-Less bloating
-Healthier gums (my dentist raved about how much better my gums were)
-Fewer mood swings
-Fewer sugar cravings
-Fewer carb cravings
-Feeling in control of my food
-Mindful eating
-Eats to satiety
-Can identify cravings vs hunger
-Sleep more soundly
-Awake feeling refreshed
-Energy levels are higher
-More knowledgeable about nutrition
-Healthy eating habits have brought my husband and I closer

I did cheat and weighed myself once a week during the 30 days but my husband did not.

My starting weight was 116 (I'm 5'0") and after Whole30 my weight was 106 - Adios alcohol weight and HELLO FLAT STOMACH!

My husband's starting weight was 175 (he's 5'5") and after Whole30 his weight was 154! We could hardly believe it! 21 lbs! I haven't seen him look this good in over 6 years! And holy cow are his pants baggy.

So now that Whole30 is over for us we have been slowly reintroducing the food groups that we went without for the 30 days. You're supposed to do one group at a time at each meal for one day and then give yourself two days of Whole30 before reintroducing the next group. Repeat until you've done them all. The idea behind this is so that you can notice how your body handles these certain foods. For instance, I've noticed that non-gluten grains have made me REALLY tired. Like, two hour nap needed tired. I also no longer like the taste of peanut butter. So odd! We have dairy and gluten to still reintroduce and I'm praying it goes okay. I really miss sour cream and cottage cheese!

When we're done with the reintroduction process we plan to follow a mediterranean diet for the most part and avoid added sugar as much as possible.

I love how great this experience made us feel and I'm so glad to have done it with my husband. I know that we were so successful because we did it together. Not only did it help to hold each other accountable but we had a damn good system - I made us breakfast every morning and he made us dinner every night. We didn't use a single recipe and kept our meals simple. There is no need to stress yourself out and overcomplicate this with long recipes and $10 dressings. Andy made us compliant dressings from scratch a couple times as well as a couple batches of clarified butter.

My advice for future Whole30ers - Keep a lot of produce, potatoes and eggs on hand at all times, don't let yourself get hungry and keep it simple! I encourage those of you on the fence to give it a shot - it's only 30 days and you could feel amazing too!

Prince John

I know that most parents think that nearly everything their own child does is wonderful so I feel like I need to make it clear that what I'm about to say is an unbiased opinion -

Rex is a naturally talented young actor!

He played Prince John (a villain) in Robin Hood for his first play with a local theatre company and he was actually "in character" the whole time! You'd expect with a 5 year old that they would just stand up there and recite their lines but he had an actual character voice that he did for the role and nearly every time he finished one of his lines the theatre erupted with giggles. Rex is mostly a pretty shy and introverted guy! There were a lot of us in the family who were surprised by him!

He had two performances - one Friday and one Sunday. For the first performance we had 15 family members come and support him so he had quite a cheering section! I was literally on the edge of my seat watching him because I really didn't know what to expect and it didn't take long until Andy and I started glancing at each other in amazement because he was just so good! I soaked in every minute - didn't take a single picture or video. I just had to be present for it! Sunday we had a smaller group of family with and since we knew what to expect and had seen it before I spent the performance snapping away photos and taking video.

Rex really enjoyed himself through this whole experience and I couldn't be happier that we've found something that he not only enjoys but that he's also confident with. And I'm glad that he now has "his thing" so that there's an activity separate from his brother's interests that he can really get involved with.

So now that he's tried it and it all went so well, we will continue to have him in plays with the same theatre company. He has a little over a month of a break before he starts practicing for their next one - The Wizard of Oz!

I can't wait to hear what they choose to cast him as!

This is What a Random Blog Post Looks Like When I'm Procrastinating

I'm definitely writing this blog post (with no real topic in mind) when I should really be wrangling my 5 year old into the bathtub to get all squeaky clean for HIS FIRST ACTING PERFORMANCE TONIGHT!!! (<--- you'll ONLY see me use more than one ! when I'm legit super excited about something. It's one of my annoyances when people overuse ! .. like, can you really be THAT excited about stuff all.of.the.time!? One ! is good for almost all circumstances! See? Like that.)

So, yeah. Rex and his extra curricular activities.. He's done swimming lessons a few times (rocked it), started Little League Baseball last year (LOVED IT), started hockey this year (probably won't play on a team again) and also joined Top Hat Theatre in Crystal for their Robin Hood play! There weren't any auditions. Any 5-8 year old could automatically do it and so we took a shot in the dark and signed him up! We're just trying to find the best fit of seasonal activities for him and don't necessarily want to assume that he'll be into everything his brother is into (like hockey, for example). And there MUST be activities that my kids are involved in and that they like. Meaning, I won't let them just sit at home and do nothing. So back to Top Hat.. We didn't really talk to him about it or anything beforehand because honestly, if we let Rex call the shots he would 1. Never leave home and 2. Never change out of pajamas. And I really didn't know how to explain acting to him.. we've been to a couple of plays with him so that's all I really compared it to. I probably said something like, "You know when we went to see Shrek the Musical and there were those kids on stage? Well, YOU are going to be one of those kids but the play is going to be Robin Hood!" and he had no idea what Robin Hood was but he started rehearsals back in November and he's been LOVING IT ever since. Tonight is the first of two performances this weekend. I have a little bit of the "parent-of-the-actor" jitters. Since he's never done this before it's my fear that he'll FREEZE on stage when he sees the audience and that he'll also start screaming and covering his ears whenever the audience laughs or claps because, well, he's been known to do that whenever there are loud noises he doesn't like. So, fingers crossed he doesn't cause a scene! .. a scene that isn't supposed to be happening that is.

And in case you were wondering - We (my husband and I) are on day 12 of The Whole30 and we are ROCKING IT! I cheated and weighed myself (I'm not telling you how much I've lost but I WILL tell you and maybe even post pics at the end) but Andy has refused to step on the scale until after the 30 days. And you guys, I'm really proud of us because we're nearly halfway through and we haven't eaten anything we aren't supposed to! Aaaand, we're on day 27 of no alcohol! Also something I've quite proud of us for.

Well, I should really get this kid off of his video games and into the tub. I know he'll want to spend at least an hour in there.. Peace!

Connection.

“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” 

― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Connection. It's been on my mind a lot lately and even more so since I just got done reading Daring Greatly. 

To me, the most important things in life are the relationships I have with people, the time that I get to spend with them and the way that we make each other feel - and whether or not we can connect. 

I have to feel like I belong in order to connect with you.. not just "fit in" but belong. I have to feel respected, cared about, and free from judgment. I have to feel comfortable. 

I’m learning to listen to myself and realize how people make me feel (don't let this get you all paranoid.. this is something everyone should be doing!) and I’m trying to find the courage to only surround myself with those that simply make me feel GOOD (is 'courage' the right word?). And at the same time, I'm trying to be as aware as possible of how I make others feel. Am I a good listener? Do I make them feel cared about? Do they feel GOOD after hanging out with me? Are they able to be themselves? Did I show enough interest in their life and how they've been feeling? Am I allowing them to connect?

It helps if I think of relationships with others as self care and as healthy vs. unhealthy.

Is it healthy to be around people or in situations that make you feel uncomfortable? That make you feel like you need to put on a mask? Or that you need to put up a wall? Or that make you feel invisible? Or make you feel like you're not cared about? Or make you feel anxious? I mean.. clearly I could go on and on but I think you catch my drift.

The answer is ‘NO'! It's not healthy!

DUH!

Do you still make time for these unhealthy relationships? Pause and think about this.. and if you don't have an unhealthy relationship to think about consider yourself blessed! What do you do about the unhealthy relationships in your life?

And then the flip side.. 

How much time do you make for the people who are healthy for you? You know, those relationships that make you feel GOOD? Those that you can connect with.. Do you prioritize those people? Do you reach out to them on a regular basis? If not, WHY? 

Think about the quote again: “Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” 

I feel that no matter how many people you can connect with there’s always room for more. You simply can’t have too many people in your life you can connect with, right? And you can even try to make more time for those people as well. 

& I sure hope to be the type of person that others can feel a genuine, healthy connection with. 

We jumped on the Whole30 crazy train..

Back in August, one of my best friends from elementary school (who now lives in WI) did the Whole30 for the first time. When she told me the details of the Whole30 I thought she was crazy!

Here's Whole30 in a nutshell:
-No dairy
-No grains
-No added sugar
-No alcohol
-No legumes (peanuts, peas, beans)
-No snacking
For 30 days.. it's meant as a "food reset" (example: if you didn't know you were an emotional eater, you'll realize it on the Whole30) as well as an elimination diet to see what your body can and can't handle during the reintroduction process after the 30 days are complete.

She completed the 30 days and felt AMAZING!

Then, in early December, she asked me if I wanted to do it with her for January. I said, "Sure! I'll give it a try!" and then when she asked what I felt would be the hardest part for me I said, "No alcohol and no sugar" (this was before we gave up drinking).

So, when Andy and I hit our breaking point with drinking back on December 17th he actually said to me during that life changing conversation, "And I've also been thinking about doing the Whole30 with you".. I'm pretty sure I responded with something like, "Who are you and what have you done with my husband? You're willingly giving up drinking AND you want to completely change your eating habits?!" We were so hungover while having this conversation that it was a little hard to think these things would actually pan out.. we felt AWFUL, so of course all we could think about was anything and everything that would make us feel BETTER.

December 30th rolls around and I start doing my Whole30 research. It was overwhelming.. and I was super stressed as it was so it made me start to panic a little bit. I put it all aside and decided to sleep on it. I still had one more day to plan and grocery shop..

So the next day I bit the bullet.. I meal planned for the next couple of days and went to the grocery store. It was so weird not grabbing for every typical item that I usually would.

Day 1 - it was hard not to snack OR lick my fingers after plating my children's meals. I literally scraped peanut butter and jelly off of my tongue with a towel.. My finger licking habit was my first realization of myself on the Whole30. Ha!

Day 2 - another grocery store run since Andy and I were clear headed and calm enough to conjure up some meal ideas. It was a lot easier not to snack this day and I was realizing how much food I needed to eat at each meal to sustain myself.

Day 3 - It really started to sink in how FULL you get off of real food. I felt great all day but fell asleep before 10pm on the couch.. I should have known this was a sign of what's to come.

Day 4 - TODAY! Andy woke up with an awful headache that won't go away and I've been jittery.. this is what we've been dreading - the sugar withdrawals. The Whole30 peeps call this "The Hangover Phase".

So here we are, knee deep in Whole30. I'd come up with more to say but it was a challenge to come up with these words as it was..

Oh & P.S.. It's day 19 of no alcohol.

BTW [by the way] + the good + the difficulties

Since we’re no longer drinking we want to make one thing very clear - we still want to hang out with our friends! Yes, even when there’s drinking! Invite us to your parties, invite us to go out, invite me to your ladies wine night! We can handle being around alcohol and we even think we’re still capable of being fun people without alcohol! Plus, you’ll always have a sober cab when you hang with us! Ha. 

I know that everyone who stops drinking has differences in what they’re comfortable with so we wanted to set the record straight with us. 

On another note, the last 12 days have been smoother than I thought they would be and I know it all has to do with us being committed to this together and staying supportive. 

When reflecting on the good that’s happened since we quit drinking what first comes to mind is how good it felt getting home at night on Christmas Eve sober and excitedly putting the presents under the tree and into the kids’ stockings after they fell asleep. Christmas Eve was always my night to drink because that’s when we get together with my side of the family. That’s typically been our “guideline”.. his family gathering, he drinks. My family gathering, I drink. Neither of us have to drive? We both got to drink! 

The hardest parts of all of this have been breaking the routine of drinking, finding other ways to de-stress/relax, and (I just have to come out and say it) missing everything about ice cold tequila shots. The taste, the feeling, everything. Tequila was my jam. I would much rather take a shot of tequila straight from the freezer than make a cocktail, crack a beer or open a bottle of wine. 

When it comes to stress, we both feel like we’re under a hell of a lot of it. Andy’s job pulls him in a million different directions and his job consists of constantly fixing broken dish machines in restaurants. He’s in and out of the elements all day, doing a shit load of driving on these awful Minnesota winter roads and laying on dirty restaurant kitchen floors. He does a really good job about leaving his stress at the door when he comes home but I’ve noticed that’s been more difficult for him now that he doesn’t have a beer to look forward to. 

And then there’s our kids.. 

God, we love them, but they are brothers with a shit load of energy, it’s winter break, we live in a small house and it has been nearly too cold to play outside. They’ve had far too much screen time this last week but hell.. if it keeps us all happy, it’s what I’m gonna allow to get us through these days. 

We haven’t quite found a new routine for de-stressing but I’ve been writing a lot and that helps. Maybe our new routine will be working out together after the kids go to bed at night. How cool would that be to trade alcohol for abs?! We have a lot of healthy options that can take the place for drinking so hopefully we’ll find a good fit soon and put it into action.

It really is a day at a time though and I am so glad Andy and I are in this together. 

Alcohol.

When Andy and I started dating, I was 19 and he was 25. And he wasn’t a drinker. 

When I turned 21, it really wasn’t a big deal.

I remember drinking at home here and there but Andy wouldn’t have a single drink if he were working the next day. 

I got pregnant with Rex a couple months before I turned 22 and then I breastfed him until he was nearly 18 months old. So, by doing the math, I was 24 when I was free to drink again. 

When I was 25 my drinking really started to pick up speed. 

Within a matter of weeks, we had 3 people in my family die somewhat suddenly (one of which my grandpa, age 69), we were also getting married, and I started to realize that my career was wreaking havoc on my family. 

So at night, I drank. 

It helped me to relax. It helped me to escape. It helped keep me from so many mental breakdowns. 

I quit my job.. and while that helped ease the daily stress my kids and I were under, it added on the feelings of failure. I failed at this career that I was so excited about, that I had invested so much time and energy with. And when I put an end to it, it made me feel awful in a completely different way. 

The drinking became daily. The amount slowly kept increasing. What used to take 2 drinks to relax me, turned into 4, which eventually turned into 6. 

Andy drank right alongside me. 

And we really enjoyed it. 

We’d have friends and family over as much as possible to play games, enjoy a bonfire and drink. When we were at our family’s cabin it didn’t really matter what time of day it was with drinking because WE WERE AT THE CABIN! We really loved drinking and having a good time with people. And because we were having fun we didn’t view it as a problem. Even when I hit my head while dancing or hit my head from tripping or hit my head from missing my chair, I didn’t have a drinking problem. I was having fun! Even if I couldn’t remember most of the night. Even if I had to ask Andy how I got to bed the night before. It wasn’t a problem. 

Right. 

Now it’s two years later and within the last couple of months it has started to bother me how much we’ve been drinking. I suggested once that we “only drink on weekends” and we only made it to Tuesday. 

It was an awful feeling. 

I also vowed to myself within the last couple of months that I would remember everything that happened while drinking and I wouldn’t let myself get a hangover. 

This is when my eyes really opened. 

All it took was one night of drinking with Andy and our friends while I was taking it easy. I realized how much I hated being around Andy when he was drunk (don’t worry.. he knows this, we’ve talked about it and I got his permission to say these things).

Fast forward two weeks later and we were going out with friends. I was crossing my fingers that Andy wouldn’t get too drunk and we could really enjoy the time together. 

I ended up having to put him to bed at 10:15pm.

But, I met back up with friends.. and barely remember getting home at 2:00am. 

The next morning we vowed to each other to be done drinking. 

While I had slowly began realizing how big of a problem we had with alcohol, it hit Andy like a brick wall. 

Today, we’re on day 11 of no alcohol. 

I had previous plans to take my grandma to a distillery for her birthday (on day 5 of no drinking) and I got through the tour while passing on every free sample they offered. 

We made it through the holiday celebrations and everyone drinking around us. 

We’ve (somehow) been living with beer in our fridge and tequila in our freezer. 

I’m already 5lbs lighter. 

I’d say we’re doing pretty well.

When I Said, "We Are Never Doing This Again" While On "Vacation"

We have never been on a family vacation.

We have never flown anywhere or driven a great distance to stay overnight in a hotel and sightsee in a new place for days on end with our kids.

We did it once together for our honeymoon and absolutely loved it! I would travel every other week once a month if I could.. and I might even want to take my kids if I'm still promised peace and relaxation!

My maternal grandparents have a cabin in the middle of the woods up north in Minnesota on a little secluded lake. We're there as much as possible. So, this really takes the place of an actual vacation for us.

Within the last year our oldest, Levi (8.5), has really picked up on how often all of his classmates are gone on vacation.. ACTUAL vacations.. flights, hotels, sandy beaches, sunburn.. the whole kit and caboodle! It's given me a bit of guilt for not giving our kids an experience like that yet.

When I think of going on a real vacation a few things cross my mind..

• Would it even be fun?
• How many times would I get mad and yell?
• Would the kids even appreciate it?
• Would I like them all when we got home?

So when spring break rolled around last week and we realized we had both time and money to spare we booked a last minute night away in Duluth. Baby steps! 

We had a lot planned and I was confident in how I had timed everything out to work just right. We got out the door without too much stress and we were FIVE MINUTES AHEAD OF SCHEDULE! This was a good sign! 45 minutes into our 2.5 hour drive though Rex's video monitor stopped working.. [deep breaths.. we can do this] luckily we had their tablets and plenty of snacks so we got through it just fine. And in case this might be crossing your mind as you're reading I'll just come out and say it: no, kids these days don't just look out of a window at their surroundings and feel content during a long car ride. 

We drove up on Duluth and when Levi first saw the views of the lake he said "This is the best place ever!" Our first stop was Enger Tower. We had never been before and it had such amazing views of Lake Superior that it will always be our first stop into the city. Then, we hadn't even gotten into our second stop in Duluth (the Train Museum) when Rex started saying he wanted to go home.. this kid would ALWAYS be home if given the choice. He would never go anywhere and he would never put clothes on. I was still really patient at this point so I was able to calmly explain the layout of the rest of our trip.. and that we would be home right before bed TOMORROW. 

After the train museum we had lunch at Burrito Union (SO GOOD!) and then landed at our hotel. We had a nice view of Lake Superior and it had a fun mid-sized indoor water park there. Rex and I hung out in the little kid area of the water park all night and I lost count of how many times he went down their little water slides. There's this HUGE bucket of water that fills up and spills out over the little kid area (not the best idea in my opinion) and before long Rex had it timed out that he could go down the water slide 4 times before the bucket spilling. So after that 4th time down he'd run to the edge so he wouldn't get splashed. Levi and Andy spent their time on the BIG water slides. After 3 hours there the first day we called it a night and got pizza to bring back to our room. 

The 4 of us sleeping all right next to each other in a room we aren't used to was pretty hellish. I initially thought that the boys would take one queen bed and we would take the other but that quickly changed when Rex wanted to snuggle and watch TV with me. Rex and I then took one bed and Andy and Levi in the other. Rex fell asleep with the TV on, I was dozing off and I knew Levi wouldn't be able to fall asleep with the TV on so I had to give the guys a lights out warning. Once the TV was off we realized how loud the heater in our room was.. I seriously thought it was a motorcycle going by at first. I was so tired I asked Andy to get up and check on it. I heard him pressing buttons and then eventually he gave it a little punch and it quieted down some. The good 'ol punch trick! Andy crawled back into bed and before I knew it Levi was getting after him because his "cell phone light was keeping him up".. before I knew it I had 3 snoring boys and a loud (but now somewhat quieter) heater that was kicking on every 10 minutes. Somehow I managed to fall asleep but man did the morning come quick! 

After breakfast we went back to the water park and it was my turn to experience the water slide. For some reason Andy insisted that he and Rex watch me come out at the end.. it was when I entered the water slide I knew why.. IT WAS PITCH BLACK INSIDE! But so, so fun because you went down on either a one person tube or a two person tube. I much prefer going down a water slide in a tube vs just my body. I'm always paranoid I'm going to shoot out of the end and my bathing suit will fly off. Levi and I did the tube a few times together afterwards and man that kid is nuts! I had to use my feet to hold him down because I swear I thought he was going to cause himself to fly out of the tube. He was bouncing up and down throwing up peace signs.. he ALWAYS had the peace signs thrown up when he came out of the slide. That's my boy!

We packed up and were out of the hotel by 11:30 and started making our way farther north to hit the main tourist spots: Split Rock Lighthouse, Gooseberry Falls and Palisade Head. I thought this would be our easiest, funnest day since we were 1. prepared with lunch in the car 2. the weather was perfect 3. the kids would be getting a lot of exercise and 4. WE WERE ON "VACATION!" 

At Split Rock Lighthouse the boys were running around like they hadn't gotten any exercise in days.. at one point Levi literally did a running push off jump off of the freaking lighthouse. WTF! That's when I started to lose it.. they couldn't be trusted around monumental objects so off to the trails of the falls we went. 

Levi had to go to the bathroom really bad as soon as we got to the falls. Luckily there's a nice restroom and gift shop area. I didn't really think about how nervous I could be with my kids around the falls.. it hit me once we got down to it. My kids can both be absolutely crazy nuts but at least Rex is fearful. Levi is not. I literally had to hold onto Levi's sweatshirt a couple of times because I couldn't trust him to stay back far enough. So then there are the trails around the falls and most of it is right next to a steep drop off with only a little wooden fence "protecting" you. I lost track of how many times we had to tell Levi to slow down and be careful and a couple of times Rex pitched a fit because I was holding his hand too tight.. 

We get towards the bottom of the falls and this is where I saw us spending the most time. The water is calmer and there are a lot of rocks the kids could throw in. But then Levi had to go to the bathroom AGAIN.. It hadn't even been an hour yet! We were at least half a mile away from the restroom and gift shop but there were so many people around that I didn't have the guts to try and hide him and let him pee outside. So he and Andy went running for the bathroom while Rex and I made our slow trek back.. and man was it slow! He picked up every decent sized stick he came across, stopped to examine it and then had to search out the perfect place to throw it into the woods. At one point he even stopped without warning and just laid down on the sidewalk.. while I'm waiting for him to start walking again I'm realize how far we've already walked and how much more we have to go and I'm thinking to myself that there's no way Levi made it to the bathroom on time. He either peed his pants or Andy caved and let him pee in the woods. We finally make it to the gift shop and Levi did in fact make it on time [huge sigh of relief]. It was here that I learned we should never let our kids wander around in a gift shop if we don't intend to buy them something.. I eventually just had to walk away and cross my fingers there wouldn't be sounds of a tantrum behind me. 

I got to the car and said "We are never going on vacation again" .. mama had hit the end of her rope. But little did I know, the best part of our trip was coming up! I just wanted to get there, get it over with and start heading home. 

We had never gone to Palisade Head before. I really didn't know what to expect. When you pull up there's a little parking lot at the bottom of a narrow road leading up a hill. No one was around so we pull into a parking spot and think "this is it?" .. we couldn't tell if we could drive up that road or if it was meant to be more of a paved walking trail. We hadn't been parked for more than a minute though and a car came behind us and drove up the road.. that answered our question! This road is so narrow that the whole time you're going up you're hoping no one is coming down. When you get to the top there's a bigger parking lot and there were a handful of cars parked but we never came across anyone while we were hiking there. You feel like you're on top of the huge hill at the parking lot but there's actually a whole lot further to climb if you really want to be at the top.. and we did! There's no clear path up so you need to find your own way though you can definitely tell where a lot of people have gone before so we tried to follow the beaten down grass/brush as best as we could. It was nerve-wracking at first hiking up because you're near the edge but once you make your way up the hill there's less of a fear of falling to your death and more of a fear of making sure you can find your way back. We really, really enjoyed working together to get to the top and the views were absolutely amazing! And then we found our way back to the car just fine. 

We got back on the road and made our way home but we had just one more stop - Jay Cooke State Park. It was our first time there and when you get off of 35 and you're heading towards the state park you're literally driving through neighborhoods and then all of a sudden the road turns into the state park.. it's just weird! I had no clue what to expect and for sure was not expecting the most amazing view of a river I think I've ever seen in person. You can see for miles up and down the river and over the woods surrounding it. I still can't believe this place was just tucked behind a neighborhood. It felt like we were stumbling upon a secret. You really have to visit if you haven't been! 

We got home right before bed and right on schedule. Everything really did go as planned and we were able to hit all of our destinations without feeling rushed. And now that I'm a week out from our little "vacation" I can say that of course I want to go on vacation with my family again! The memories we made and the things we were able to see and do made much more of an impact than a few stressful moments. 

My Public Apology About Our "Cardboard and Other Refuse"

I've posted on my personal Facebook page recently about my husband and sons' obsession with wood. Well, we've also had another issue on our hands for years now and that is the accumulation of boxes my husband has for work.

His work requires him to fix dish machines in area restaurants, schools, nursing homes, etc. He does not have an office or specific "place of work". He works out of his company van that he always has at home when he's not working. When things break, he needs parts. With 70+ accounts and many different things that he services we get A LOT of shipments of parts and things to our home.

We have a small house. We have a small garage. SOMETIMES I get to park in our small garage when there isn't wood or boxes in my way. A few weeks ago we spent an entire day cleaning out our garage because I was sick of the miscellaneous shit and wanted to park in there. Not long after it was cleaned out Andy must have gotten a shipment of parts for work because before I knew it there were boxes piled up behind our [willberunningsomeday] truck. Not in the garage but outside behind our truck.. the truck that has a flat tire, won't start and is parked in grass..

He was just trying to keep his wife [me] happy by not taking up precious van space in the garage! So, so sweet of him!

Well, not only do I not like a cluttered garage that I can't park in but I also don't like our mess on display. I much prefer our mess to be behind closed doors and it seems as though a neighbor and/or city worker prefers our mess behind closed doors too! We got a violation notice in the mail today!

"Cardboard and other refuse behind truck and boat"

"IF THE VIOLATIONS ARE NOT CORRECTED BY THE COMPLIANCE DATE, THEN WEEKLY CITATIONS INCLUDING FINES OF NOT LESS THAN $75 NOR MORE THAN $500 MAY BE ISSUED."

Well then.

After volunteering at Kindergarten Open House night tonight for our school district and discovering my battery dead in my van (I was only stranded for 20 minutes - shout out to my grandparents for rescuing me), I came home and shoved all of what I think they have included in the violation into our small garage.

So to whomever our "cardboard and other refuse" was bothering, I'm terribly sorry. We are now taking donations for our "love it or list it" fund.. which would either help us gain more space to store our shit at this current location so you don't have to look at it or send us on our merry way to a new location.. one with plenty of space for boxes and parked vans.

Love It or List It

About a month ago we found out our neighbors a few houses down were going to be selling their home. Their house is beautiful and would be perfect for us so we thought that it wouldn't hurt to see if we could afford it and what we could sell our own house for.

Well, we found out that no, we cannot afford that specific house but it wouldn't be a bad idea to upgrade right now. We bought our house 3 years ago for $144,900 and could list it within the next couple of months for $199,900.

But in order to list our house for sale here are the updates needed:
Painting the exterior of the house/garage
New kitchen floor
Updated light fixtures (DONE)
Finish basement
Replace some windows

I'm all about getting feedback from others and so during our backyard bonfire this weekend we were talking about all of this with our family and friends. Well, it got our wheels turning a little bit. What if we were to remodel our home instead of move?

If we were to stay, here's what would need to happen:
Kitchen addition to allow for more counter space and room for an 8ft+ table
1/2 bath in basement
2+ car garage
Dormer on upper level with 3/4 bath (this is if I dream BIG)
*In order of priority

We enjoy our neighborhood. It's close to everything (shops, restaurants, downtown, our family), it's on a quiet street, we can walk to two parks as well as the library and grocery store, we have great neighbors, etc. etc. But it's really important for us to have a space ideal for entertaining our family and friends. If we move we would stay in our school district and go 10 minutes from where we currently are.

We could really use the Love It or List It team in our lives right now..

Where I'm at in Life

Wow, you guys. It's been almost an entire year since I've posted.

Writing is something that helps me feel content. It helps me get my thoughts straight during stressful, trying times. It also helps me to take it all in. To realize everything we have going for us in this life. And to write it down means to experience it again. And to read it brings it all back yet again. If I don't document something, my awful memory loses details. Details are important. And I want these details down in writing so that we can look back on our days whenever we'd like. So our kids can look back on things and get a brighter picture of how life was. This is why I'm blogging again.

I've written on and off throughout this last year. I just haven't made it public. And I really didn't do enough of it.

My New Years Resolution was to read more and write more. Just do it MORE. It helps me relax, slow down and de-stress. So yes, I just needed to do it MORE. Which I've been doing, so go me!

Switching gears..

At the end of February I decided to drop my side gig with Dove Chocolate Discoveries and focus solely on my role of mama and wife.

Let's be honest here, I really hadn't done much of anything with it since June of 2016. When cabin season came around I really let up on my business to spend time up north and with my family. It was a great summer but I always had this nagging guilt inside of me. I should have been working my biz. But I really just wanted to be present and enjoy every day with my family. I told myself that once the cabin closed I would hit it hard again with DCD.. Ha. Yeah, right!

Since I had built up a little customer base I was still getting orders here and there and that's really what kept me from calling it quits a while ago.

At the end of February DCD became The Cocoa Exchange. A new company. I opted to not buy into it and felt this was a good time to part ways.

As of March 1st my title solely became SAHM and Wife. So what do I do with my time?!

I'm involved with the ECFE and volunteer on their Parent Advisory Council. I spend my days during the week keeping up on chores so that our nights and weekends can be dedicated to fun stuff and family. I get to the gym a few times a week to workout and I've actually been cooking! Home cooked dinners! Practically every night! If you know me, you'll realize how huge this is. I've ALWAYS hated cooking. And even just a few months ago I would still end up cursing and crying or both after trying to cook dinner for my family. But not anymore! The key thing is: PLANNING AHEAD!

I feel like we really have a handle on life right now. We're healthy, we're happy and we're having fun. And that's all I could ever want.

#incrediblygrateful

Sisters

Saturday when I was dropping my boys off at my mom's house for a sleepover my sister handed me this piece of paper. She didn't say anything. She just handed it to me.

I read the first line, put the paper down and instantly the tears started. Once the initial surprise calmed down a bit I began to read the rest.

"My hero is my sister, Emma. She is the strongest most caring woman I know. She makes good out of everything and makes everyone smile. Emma has always been my role model, even when I was little. She is special to me because she is my sister and I love her. I don't love her because she is my sister. I love her because she is a good person. Even though I don't see her as often as I'd like to, she is my hero."

I cried. A lot. And hugged her. A lot. Tears started welling in her eyes. I grabbed her face in my hands and I said, "I know I could be a better sister to you."

This was really eye opening to me. My little sister (13 years younger than me) feels this way about me and yet I feel like I don't deserve it. I haven't been there for her like I feel I should be.

When she was born and I found out she was a girl, I was beyond excited! I now had a sister! She was just the sweetest little thing (and still is). So fun, so spunky and such an awesome individual. When I was pregnant with Levi I have the best memories of spending time with her. She loved playing dress up and dancing and letting me do her hair.

Then once Levi was born everything changed. I was a single mom living at home trying to work and go to school. Then I moved out when Levi was 5 months old and I didn't see my sister (and brothers) nearly as often as I should have.

I love my sister tremendously. She is an amazing young woman.. intelligent, kind hearted, fun loving, adventurous.. I am so blessed to be able to call her my sister.

I miss her though. I want to know everything there is to know about her. I want to be my sisters best friend. Because to me, that's what sisters should be. Best friends.

Now's the time to make a change.

Chipped Beef Recipe

I woke up yesterday morning craving Chipped Beef BIG TIME! It was a meal we had often in my childhood. I've had it since, but not my moms. You know how there are some foods out there that when other people make it, it just isn't the same as when your mom made it?! I mean, not saying that it's bad.. it's just not the same!

So, we got the recipe from my mom when picking up our kids from their every other week sleepover with her and then Andy made it for dinner.

I posted this picture on Facebook last night and I was a little surprised by all of the comments! People who also ate this as a kid and loved it (some who didn't love it), others who had known of it but by a different name (Shit on a Shingle?? Ha.) and others that had never heard of it before and asked me for the recipe!

Well, here ya go!

*This is the recipe TRIPLED.. we're a family of 4 and barely had any leftovers from it.

6T melted butter
6T flour
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
3 cups milk
Jar of dried beef (we were able to find it at Target by the cans of tuna)

Heat first 5 ingredients on the stove and occasionally stir until it thickens (15 minutes or so?). Meanwhile, boil water and rinse off the beef so it isn't so salty. Dice the beef and mix it into the sauce once the sauce has thickened.

Serve over toast and ENJOY!!

Mamas Going on Vacation!

Part of me can't believe this is really happening but the tickets have been purchased and it's official!

I'M GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO! 

And not only that but I am going with one of my favorite people.. My paternal Grandma! 

I've been to San Francisco before but back when I was eight/nine so I'm really looking forward to taking it all in as an adult. We have some family and close friends of my Grandma that live there so we'll have great company to stay with and hang out with while we're there. 

A whole week in San Fran in May without my kids or husband. I'm not nervous at all about leaving them (my husband is a rockstar dad) but I know I will miss them a ton! 

Let the countdown begin! 

Go on my children, eat those stale french fries!

When I came across this on Facebook a couple weeks back it brought up all of the old feelings of trying to do things "right" with my kids when they were younger. I realize now that it really hasn't mattered all that much on THEM how I did things when they younger but more so how my choices on them have affected ME. Let me take you on a little journey through the past.

Most of you know that I had Levi as a teenager. I had all of the best intentions but to be honest, I now think of myself as a selfish idiot when it came to being pregnant and having an infant.

[For the record, I DO NOT care what other people do during their pregnancies, labor, delivery and with their children.. this is all about ME and how I feel about MY choices.]

I trusted everything my Dr's and nurses told me and suggested for me during my pregnancy, labor and delivery with Levi. I didn't once think about all of my options or do much research on ANYTHING. In the end, I had a labor and a delivery that, to be completely honest, pisses me off whenever I think too much about it. Now, don't get me wrong, the day Levi was born is [tied for 1st for] the most amazing day of my life! There's no way to describe the instant love you have when meeting your child! Though everything about the labor and delivery was just wrong, wrong, wrong.. not letting me progress long enough before recommending Pitocin (nurses suggested it, so why not!?), then getting an epidural because Pitocin makes your contractions so insanely intense, followed by more Pitocin because epidurals stall labor, followed by suggesting a vacuum to assist Levi in coming out because he was "sunny side up" instead of oh, I don't know.. having me change positions? But wait.. I couldn't do that because I got an epidural making me immobile and in no control what-so-ever. Long story short.. I regret getting that Pitocin. And let's not forget me allowing them to do an episiotomy.. my oh my.

The biggest mom guilt I have of all is choosing to stop breastfeeding Levi at 3 months old because I just wanted to be a smoker again. Seriously, Emma?! What a freaking selfish idiot. The thought of this really actually makes me cry.

So, I KNEW that the next time I had a child I would "DO IT RIGHT". I quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant with Rex and never looked back. I researched everything I possibly could, watched documentaries around pregnancy and birth, read a countless number of books and became as educated as possible. I found an amazing birth center with a group of midwives, hired a doula and was determined to have an unmedicated, natural water birth with Rex. Long story short, everything went as planned and I could not be happier about my birth experience with him. Rex was exclusively breastfed for 6 months only taking a bottle a few times a week while I was at work. When he started on solids after 6 months old I made his baby food with only organic food. I even went as [freakishly] far as to boil. tap. water. and cool it before letting him drink it. HA! I seriously had gone a little too far with this "making-up-for-the-past-and-doing-it-right-this-time" stuff by boiling tap water (I was seriously off my rocker).. I let Rex self-wean from breastfeeding and he was done with it at 17 months old. Was I ready for him to be done!? Hell no I wasn't! I felt like it was after the breastfeeding ended that I started to get symptoms of postpartum depression. Then slowly but surely the hormonal fog of pregnancy and breastfeeding lifted and so did my grip on "doing things right".

Now, my kids hardly eat any organic food (that s*** is expensive!) and I can barely keep their [unhealthy] snacking under control.

Parenting has been a constant journey of learning, growth, guilt, pressure and doubt. I've learned that I'm happiest when I don't put so much pressure on myself for "doing things right" and just let my kids be kids without putting so many limits on things.

In the end of it all, I have two amazing and healthy children that have turned out just fine no matter how they were brought into this world and the choices I've made for them. So go on my children, eat those stale french fries! I really do appreciate the few minutes you've saved me from cleaning them up myself.

A Day in the Life

I've gotten the question a couple times since becoming a SAHM again about what it is that I do all day. Just like anyone else, some days are way more productive than others! Here's a little idea of a "normal" weekday:

8:00am - My dreaded alarm goes off (if Rex hasn't woken me up yet) and I wake Levi up for school.

8:10am - Kids eat breakfast (Levi: oatmeal and Rex: cereal) and I drink coffee while getting Levi's backpack ready.

8:15am - Andy rolls out of bed.

8:20am - I tell Levi a thousand times to, "Get dressed, brush your hair and brush your teeth"

8:30am - Levi starts getting his stuff on for the bus stop.

8:35am - Andy brings Levi to the bus stop.

8:45am - Andy gets ready for work. I do 30 minutes of [heavily interrupted] Yoga.

9:15am - Andy leaves for work and Rex is already begging for a snack.

9:30am - I might decide it's time to brush my teeth [just being honest].

9:35am - Sit down at my computer to "work" [blog, line up Dove tasting parties, update Facebook business pages, check email, etc. etc.].

10:45am - Start household chores [but it usually turns into me doing the same 5 puzzles with Rex for over an hour].

12:00pm - Eat lunch with Rex.

12:30pm - Attempt some quiet time [plop Rex in front of a movie so I can maybe catch up on a show or read] and finish up chores.

3:00pm - Shower.

3:30pm - Try to make sure the house doesn't look like a disaster for when Andy gets home.

4:00pm - Andy is usually home from work by now.

4:15pm - Levi gets home from school.

4:30pm - The boys start tearing up the house and acting wild. I might raise my voice once or twice..  ["We sit on the couch!" "Would you please not scatter Nerf gun bullets all over the living room?!" "Rex, stop touching your brothers butt!"]

5:00pm - Andy makes dinner [I am an awful cook.. unless it's hotdish. I can do hotdish.]

5:30pm - Andy, Levi and I eat dinner while Rex takes one look at it and refuses to eat.

5:45pm - Homework time with Levi.

6:15pm - If we don't have to go anywhere we'd usually play a game together or watch a show [depending on our stress/energy level].

7:45pm - The boys get ready for bed [pj's, teeth, potty].

8:00pm - Levi goes to bed perfect while Rex gets up at least 5 times.

8:15pm - Beer time. Andy goes downstairs to watch TV or play video games while I watch TV upstairs. Gotta try to get in some "me time".

10:00pm - We watch the news together or catch up on a show we both like to watch.

11:00pm - I've either already fallen asleep on the couch or I stumble up to bed.


Well, there ya have it! A day in the life..

The Total Money Makeover

This book had been collecting dust in our house ever since it was loaned to us years ago..

I finally gave it a read recently and I wish I had done so the day I got it!

Here's what I've walked away from it with:

-If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.
-A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.
-Leasing a car is the biggest waste of money and you might as well just throw a $100 bill out of the window every week instead.
-Save $1,000 fast.
-Implement a budget at the beginning of every month and give every dollar you make a place to go (paying a bill, saving, etc). Do not spend $1 out of place.
-Pay off your debts starting with the smallest and ending with the largest.

My list could go on and on after reading this book but these were my biggest "AHA!" moments.

Since reading The Total Money Makeover Andy and I have sat down and figured out our first months budget, we'll be cutting the cord with cable this week, I've lowered my cell phone bill by $40/month and I've sold useless things in our house making hundreds of dollars to put towards our saving $1,000 fast!

I've never been more excited about saving money before and having a goal and budget in place for ourselves. I highly recommend giving this book a read and giving yourself a Total Money Makeover!

Our dream will have to wait..

Over the last 9 months we've really gotten the itch to move. And not just move.. but MOVE! It happened to us last spring after we had started spending so much more time at our cabin. We always dreaded coming home. We hated leaving the country (and still do whenever we are there). The country is where we are happiest! In the middle of [almost] nowhere with spotty cell reception, fresh air, tons of wildlife and a slower pace of living. We went so far as to picking the brain of our wedding reception caterer (we got married in the same town as our cabin) about the area and what it's truly like to live there. It made us want to move there MORE! Everywhere we drove we scoped out different back roads and other towns nearby for the perfect place to live and when we came back down to the city a lot of our free time was spent looking online at houses for sale up there.

Though, with all of this dreaming we've ultimately decided that our dreams will have to wait.

Why?

Because of the amazing opportunity our boys have by going to a Spanish immersion school.

The odds to get into this school are quite low. It's all thanks to our neighborhood elementary school being at max capacity that Levi was able to get into it. The kids who had applied to the Spanish immersion from our neighborhood were put on a separate lottery list because they needed to put as many kids as possible from around here into other schools so that our local elementary didn't overflow. Levi didn't get into it after the first lottery draw but a few weeks later I got the email saying he was accepted (and Rex is an automatic in because they're brothers)! I cried so many tears of joy! I was going to have kids fluent in Spanish by 3rd grade! The opportunities they will have in their future are HUGE!

We just can't bring ourselves to take this away from our children.

Which brings me to my next point.. we DO have to move. Just into the other side of our school district. But this will come into play a few years from now.

For now, our dreams of living in the country will have to remain in our dreams. But I'm certain it will be worth the wait!